god damn it.

Begin freak out. At guess who? Beth. AGAIN! GOD DAMN.

She’s convinced I’m disrespectful of her. Why? Because mentally and emotionally she’s fucking 4 years old.

Well, there was one instance that happened like 2 hours ago and one that happened less then 5 minutes ago.

I’ll go in order. This morning, I’m running late, as usual. The GA’s don’t like it. But I don’t give a damn. 7am is as early as I’m going. PERIOD. Even that’s pushing it.

Ok. How did this begin? It started with a simple comment that got misinterpreted and from that everything just went straight to my breaking point.

Beth and Tacy are now good friends. They sit together all the time. That was the instance this morning. Yet Beth is talking so that everyone can hear what she’s saying,. This bugs me. I step in and say something like “She is sitting right next to you. You don’t need to speak so everyone can hear you.” Except my voice is very mean sounding. Granted it’s a very small room with 16 people crammed into it. This kinda stuff bugs the hell out of me. It just does. Then she goes into “Please stop bossing me around.” and of course, I get all fired up and go “I’m not. I’m just saying that Tacy is sitting right next to you.” and just continue being an ass. Not nice. In my defense, people, I was not bossing. Now, if it was in a better tone of voice, it would have been taken the same way. I guarantee it.

Well, it escalated into me being mad that we’ve lived together for how many months and they don’t realize that this crap bugs me. I start going insane. Then Crystal pulls Beth and I to her office to figure out what’s up. Beth begins. She says that I said she was immature. LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR: IF YOU SAY THAT I SAID WHAT I DID NOT SAY, YES, I WILL GET ANGRY. Do you want to fucking challenge my memory? Even the assholes in my life know not to do that.

The word “immature” never left my mouth. That just makes me loose all control. I’m yelling at one of the main people in control of my future.  Not good.

I should have just left the entire thing alone, but, no. I did not.  I end up stomping out of the office(when it was allowed-and the chair was right next to the door), go back to where I was sitting and just start bawling. Danielle says to go to the bathroom to get control so I do. I’m in there for 30-40 minutes. The last 5 minutes, I’m singing Veggie Tales and the ABC song.

Worth the trouble? no. Why did I even begin that? Because 7am is too fucking early for me and it was bugging me.

How is it not obvious that I have had enough of these people? And I stay here until March for my license. Ugg! How is this possible?

Was I acting 28? Um. DUH. no. BUT I did step in and just advised her to maybe lower her voice. Of course, it didn’t come off that way. And in her view EVERYTHING I fucking say is rude. It really depends on my mood at the time in question, but yes, she was right in this instance.

Of course, my never-ending period could be part of it. I don’t know. Fuck my temper and the stupid period. Beth needs to get laid. Fuck, I need to get laid.

Well, my shit’s back together now. But what happened 20 minutes ago was I came in this lab and saw this one open computer, so I grabbed the one open chair to sit in. Beth looks at me with these “how fucking dare you” eyes. But she’s 4, so she doesn’t know how to do that. I notice and say, “Oh. were you using this chair?” very politely this time. She says Yes. like I should absolutely know this already. So I’m forced to go into the next room and wheel a chair in.

I know it’s a tiny little thing, that absolutely makes no difference to anyone, but it makes me crazy.  But this time, my shit’s together so I’m putting the explosion on here to you, and not to them.

Beth will be Beth. She refuses any help I offer. Not that all of my offerings are kind. Even when I am kind, I’m “disrespectful”. I don’t know how the fuck I’ll live til March. I’ve finished everything in this damnable program except for the driving. Everyone knows I’ve had it with everyone and everything here.  She will continue to be Beth. She will not listen to me. And I’ve got to deal with it. My own advise to this problem, is just “too bad. deal with it.” so that’s what I’ve got to do.  4 days. god damn it. i lost control back in October or maybe April.

Oh, and the amazing headphones I got for my birthday? left at dad’s. Ramone’s headphones that he lets me borrow? In my room.

That chair was not used and is sitting exactly where I rolled it.

God fucking damn it.

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