Martial Arts.

I was in karate 10 years ago. I made it up to a high brown belt. There was a year to go til I got black. But I had to run away from bruce. thbt.  I miss it so much. I knew I would never keep up with it. I have no self-discipline whatsoever man! I was fit and looked fabulous…-le sigh- Plus I was a weapon, dude! How cool is that?

Only black belts were allowed to touch weapons. so sad….

I loved it because well, i looked fantastic! and I wasn’t good enough to beat off people, but I was confident I knew enough of how fights went, and what moves to rely on.  Maybe not get out of an attack, but enough to say, NO and mean it. I could at least back up a threat.

Now, I have no hope of doing that. Oh man. I’m so planning on getting back into martial arts. I had my reverse punch down, man. and jabbing….ahhh….

My hope is to be a black belt and keep with it, now that I have nothing to run away from. But I need a good, fit teacher.  Also I know that I put my disability on display. I do that on purpose. I really see no reason to hide it. BUT if a bad person hears that, I know EXACTLY what’s gonna happen. I gotta be fucking prepared, man. My dad used the disability against me. My dad, guys.

I was in Shotokan Karate. Oh my god!! There’s such a world of martial arts out there. If you’ve ever been in that world, you know the differences and styles. I once said kicking was like an alarm clock.  I have a deep passion for martial arts. It’s going to continue to have a major part in my life. When I can find an instructor that’s worth shit.  If you’ve never had a foot in the door, then martial arts is all the same to you and you’re probably focusing on the brutality of it. Fighting is a part, but discipline and cleaverness are the main things. I guarantee you, no one in the world of martial arts is stupid. I even made a friend who was the state champion of Texas or something. Some sort of champion. Oh, I so miss it. It’s the exact same thing as dancing.

There’s a Tae Kwan Doe Dojo here. It’s crap. I mean, the master is awesome. but…. years of Shotokan, man….tells me….it’s not my thing. Not to upset anyone who does Tae Kwan Doe, of course. I was in Shotokan for 6 years and absolutely fell in love. For one thing, I love movement. Perfect workout. Tae Kwan Doe is just different then what I practiced. I went to the dojo in the square for two months because mom had paid for it already. I was ready to leave after like 2 weeks. I have nothing against that art, or the ones who practice it. I just find it too different for me. I’m spelling it wrong. I know I am.

I need it for fitness and anger. And it’s such an art, man. I told you I have an eye for beauty and this is it. If I can do it, that makes the beauty even more wonderful.

But I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I want it back in my life so badly. Dad bought me boxing gear(helmet and weighted gloves) and a speed bag a while back. I bet he’ll buy me a punching bag. I have wraps and body gear. I have a rib guard, but it’s shit. I need a better one. It’s to protect my boobs and ribs. I have the equipment, I just need the instruction. and not from youtube videos. I need an actual trainer. Someone who knows their shit, man. Who can see where I’m having problems and such. I need Jerry back!! and Tori. god, they were so awesome. I miss them. T_T

This is one thing I really want to be good at. in my life, guys, I’ve been raped 3 times. And it’s going to keep happening for me unless I have some defense. I have the backbone for it. I have the want. I have the passion and hunger. I’m disabled. And it doesn’t matter. If someone knows that, they’re GOING to take advantage of me. It’s not an “if”, it’s a “when”. I’m a female. Just that is enough to get raped. Disabled. Oh fuck. hell yea, I’m gonna get my ass raped again. I gotta say no and back it up. That’s one damn good reason to be good at it.

2. It’s just beautiful. -sigh- It’s so elegant and graceful.

3. Fitness.

3 very important reasons. and anyway, it’s fun.

Oh! Oh! I know!!!! Mom got me set up to go to a personal trainer every day(cuz I’m fat now). I’ll ask them. He/she will know of one…that’s worth shit. I dearly hope.