Well, forgive me people. I love reading my own work. I do. Is it bad?? Yes, I’m a tad selfish. but i don’t think it’s crossing the line, do you?
I’m back in this stupid situation, except Beth now has her own apartment. Of course, I could be jealous, but I’m just so filled with relief that she’s gone. She’s still in “school” of course, so I’m not completely rid of her, but…I’m having such a nice and un-stressful time now.
I did have an explosion after 3 days though. But not towards her. This place and these students are still triggers, but Beth’s not living here and that makes me happy.
I got my phone updated. So it’s the same phone, but a new phone. I was really looking forward to asking Siri odd questions. My old phone refused to charge. So I had to put all my contacts on paper to transfer them. And I got the new Chris’s number wrong. Sad. Now, I can’t contact him and I’m still on lock down. 😦 My only hope is that he will text me, but that won’t happen.
SO. I have decided, just for this purpose, to tell the higher-ups that I do feel safe to be out on my own now. Then I can get out of this shithole. and possibly see him. Even though I don’t at all. Well, it’s not that I don’t feel safe; it’s that I can’t deal with potential unsafe situations correctly. That’s where the problem lies. When I’m walking with my music going, I’m fine. It’s when a random person comes up and talks. Or when a person invites me to their house. Which has happened. Once I was raped, and the other time, nothing happened at all. But in the end, I did deal with it, and I’m very proud of how that situation ended.
Still, it’s probable that I won’t see him. Maybe, I hope. But I can’t pin everything to that hope.
Hehe. I learned how to make tree doodles off Pinterest. It’s fun. That’s it really.
When my teeny blow-up happened, I had to leave to go color. So yeay. I’m mature! Like a minute before that happened, Crystal pulled me into a room and said stuff. I said, “Well, I don’t see what’s wrong with the buddy system, and I’m not exactly sure why you see something wrong with it.”….and I recall saying that, I am here, in this program, because my mom doesn’t know what to do with me anymore. Danielle’s brain totally works. It’s her body that doesn’t. My brain works, but not exactly to the full capacity. We use each other. That’s what the buddy system is. That’s what friends DO. It bugs me that they won’t see that. But then they’re like “But you can’t take her home with you.” Yes. I’m aware. That’s why I live with my mother, stupid. That’s why I want to make friends. Helloooooo? How stupid are you people? -rolls eyes-
Well, my point is that Crystal heard and saw what happened after I left her. So I was mature, somewhat, in front of her.Here’s what it was:
I leave the room and go into a room across the hall. I sit down and prepare to sort CD’s. I look and find that the CD’s are sorted so I cannot sort them. I say, “People, people. The job is to mix them up so the next person can sort them.” and that was to myself really, in a very non-accusing way. The girl behind me says something about “jumping down her throat”. I stop, freeze, turn and say, “That is not what I was doing.” She says the same thing, and I’m getting pretty heated at this exchange. I repeat that I was not jumping down her throat. and then I have to leave because she’s not getting it, and just is being ridiculous. When I walked out, I saw Crystal staring. I was saying that I can’t deal with this crap.
And that was after three days of being here. Fanfuckingtastic.
But hey! I made more then one point clear to a person in charge of my future at this time. woo.
Danielle and I are now in the same boat. We are both staying here for the driving. Oh, yea. and my Bose headphones have developed a clicking sound and second-by-second play when I flip the soundproof switch. But I got Skull Candy headphones from the staff because he saw me being helpful. So I have a pair to use.
Ok. That’s it. bye.