thinking..

Well, now I’m in this thing called PSR. Psycho Social Rehab. It’s just like your basic rehab. I’ve never been, but…

My therapist put me in it. That’s fine. I don’t mind at all. I need something to fill my time.

The thing is last Monday there were people below my level. And I can’t deal with that. So I dunno, man. I may have to ask when people on my level come. I did, but forgot the day.

My therapist has only seen me once, so…I mean. I really don’t care. but…I just feel like ….she’s throwing me in the water cuz she doesn’t know what to do with me. And that could be the reason. I guess I’m fine. It doesn’t bother me.

It works on your social skills and psychological skills. and just how to go out and adult if you are a brain damaged person.

Well, I’m going to see my little nieces this weekend. Their middle names are both birds, so I call them my little birdies. Gail(mom) says to get headbands and coloring book and crayons. so that’s what I’ll bring them.

I’m gonna have a schedule. My new rule is bed at 10:20-ish, up at 7. Early because I need to feed the dog and cat and let them pee.

Mom’s started this allowance thing. She gives $35/week. Sam says it’s the same as a part-time job. So yeay allowance! boo for treating me as a child. but I do understand. I just don’t like it.

About my bedtime: My thing is that I usually stick to a plan for like 3 days, and then it’s just….out the window. so I’m gonna try to stick to this. and it’s 9. I’m ok right now.

My sisters and I will hang out, but all three have reasons to go to bed. One has an infant and toddler, one has school–er almost school. and the other has a job. I really don’t know what their lives are like but they have bedtimes too. I’ll have to tell them I need to get this schedule down, and they’ll understand. They have obligations. And we’re all too old for all-nighers now. I can do 2am, but after 2, it’s just….ppsshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. so. no more of those. I hope.

Uh….Oh yea. Danielle freaked me out today. She was complaining about her caregiver dying. who is her dad. Everyone who has a caregiver worries about this. But…it just got me thinking. When mom dies, I’ll go to my sisters. Which is not what I want. So I’ll have to work on making a friend good enough to care for me in about 30 years or whenever she dies.

Becky’s the only one I can think of right now. It’s been brought up before, but never really with any kind of seriousness to it. And now…I’m just…thinkin..

Ok. In 30-40 years, mom’s going to die. That’s plenty of time to make a good friend or two to live with.

the ABSOLUTE WORST scenario, realistically, would be like a live-in nanny. And even if I do live alone, I would need protection from some kind of guardian, be it a person or a dog. I’d need a guardian and reminders. That’s really the only reasons I can’t be alone. I am unable to protect myself and unable to think before speaking or actioning, and I forget the daily chores of being an adult human-brush teeth, shower, take pills, eat, eat again, eat again, quit eating because you’ll get fat, work out so you don’t get fat, get dressed- the really mundane boring stuff are the things I forget and need reminders for. The best situation, would be a friend or my sisters checking in on me every few days or weeks possibly. The worst scenario would be a nanny or home. I’d take my sisters over a home. But…I can’t live with my sisters. Because of the same reason most 28 year olds don’t want to live with parents.

I will not go to a home because….(phone’s buzzing. it’s 10:13, time to get up to bed. I’ll continue tomorrow.)

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One thought on “thinking..

  1. stephypowers

    If you need help in 20 or 30 years, I’ll help you! I’m probably very far away because I live in Arizona, but I have no problem going get you wherever you live if you need help… It just may take me a while. I think you live in some northern state. I have 2 kids, but you are a friend and I’d do anything for my friends. Hell, I was kinda scared to move out my mom’s when I was like 21 because she can’t take care of herself. The only reasons I moved out was because she was so abusive towards me and family lives all around her. I asked my cousins to check in on her every week to make sure nothing happened to her. (Although my grandmother would find out first because she buys her food and brings her to the store since my mom can’t drive with her seizures)
    Nooo it’s 3:30 am I need to stick to my bedtime too. which is anytime before 4 am…. *hugs*

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