Lonliness is going to be my downfall.

what has happened for me? I was used as a sex object 2 weeks ago and it is definitely not my fault, but my loneliness drove me to it. It was not rape. I was an object. That was all.  I have not been tested yet. I wonder if I should be more concerned. My body has been the same as it’s always been, but, yes, I do want to get tested.

I have severe pink eye. It started just after the guy left actually. Mom says she’s gonna make an appointment. Fine. Great. I look really ugly, my eyes are horrid and I keep tearing up. Not for crying. It’s my body fighting off whatever is upsetting the normal functions. This constant tearing is interrupting my vision though. I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore, because I look so terrible.

So. So. Incredibly. Freaking. Bored.


It was “sex sex sex sex. I know your disability doesn’t allow you to understand that.” Um. What??? Excuse me. My disability has nothing to do with this conversation. It may be part of why I am as sexual as I am, but right now, sir, you are speaking of my ability to understand. And I assure you my ability to understand that you want nothing but sex from me is in no way impeded by my disability that I do in fact love very much. And I can easily tell that you do not. You are judging me and I do not approve.

I didn’t actually say any of that, but it’s what I wish I said. That’s how speaking about my disability upsets me.  My head kindof exploded in disbelief at that particular comment.

I should delete the emails and texts from him, but I’m not. I want to show myself how good a person can act and how stupid I can be.

Stupid brain damage making me so damn trusting!!!! arrrrrrgggg. THIS IS WHY I AM UNABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT MY MOTHER!!!!! Suspicion needs to grow and grow fast. BAH!

Oh, Sarah, sarah……..29 and this. why ccan’t you learn??

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