Good without god

My mom went to what’s called a Reason Rally in Washington D.C. and had sunglasses on in a picture that say “Good without God” on the side. I thought it was neat.

It’s been 2 months since I’ve written. What happened? Um..I went to see my sisters for a week. That was awesome. Little baby Louisa still is super attached to mommy and doesn’t like me at all. She’s 2 in October. We’re heading back in July!! and staying for 3 months! we’ll be there for Annie’s 4th birthday!!! Well, we’re gonna stay in a little cabin thingie that mom’s cousin rents out 45 minutes away. but, closer then 10 hours!! We’re going to bring Stanley too! He’ll prob’ly see a bear for the first time!

I think I’ve decided to be a witch. I mean, I don’t wear all black and I’m not gonna go around with a stick trying to do spells, but…I like what I’ve read about them. Nature worshippers. That sounds like what I want. Gotta study some more. For the past few years, I’ve been really into …well, wanting to learn about herbs and how we can use nature to our advantage.

Oh. And Tina has decided she’s gay. Mom told me that. She visited again on her road trip. I dunno. But…it’s Tina. Mom said that her girlfriend looked relieved. So…I mean…yeay. It just doesn’t seem right to me though. Tina? Gay? But…alright, man.

Oh. In therapy the other day, we had this worksheet that was about Beliefs. It said stuff like “Spanking is abuse….Agree/disagree/not sure”. For the one that said, “God created the earth” I circled Disagree. When we were reading out our answers I was the only one that circled that. The therapist said, “Who made the mountains?” Me: The earth. Her: who made the earth? Me: I don’t know. Space, I guess. Her: Who made space? Me: It was there to begin with.

I should have said Chronos (Greek Mythology). but that tiny conversation just stayed in my mind all day. I guess it bothered me somehow. I think it was because she was…not pushing her belief on me, but…contradicting me somewhat strongly. She wasn’t aggressive about it. but it just…didn’t sit right with me. I mean, it goes back to my whole rant about “did you write the book on my life? can you tell me when I’m gonna pee tomorrow or go to Disneyworld or die??”

I mean, it seemed like she was genuinely curious about my thoughts on it, but still “who made”…just got to me. Really? Does a live being have to make it? Can’t it just happen?? Everyone in that group therapy is a sheep who believes things they are told. I’m the only one that’s not. and EVERYONE in this town is a God freak. Some are even psycho about it. I mean if the extended family here knew me and mom were not Christians, they would totally not talk to us anymore. Just like when my Aunt Anne told everyone she was lesbian, the meeting and some family disowned her.

There was a quote I heard off Criminal Minds that says like, “For true believers, no proof is necessary. For non-believers, no proof is possible.” Something like that. A few words may be wrong, but that’s the gist of it. But Sooooo true man.

This is one reason I think I want to be a witch. Things happen, man, with no reason to it. Like my drowning. No one made me drown. It just happened. because I was an infant and not aware of anything, especially danger.

We went to my Uncle Arthur’s place and I asked him to tell me the story. He didn’t really, but after he finished he blew his nose and wiped his eyes. He was the one who jumped in to save me. My Aunt Elsa said that it made her more careful with infants around the water. And I bet that’s what a bunch learned from it. I didn’t learn anything that I didn’t know already.  I know it’s a hard story to relive, but I want to know it. But I suppose, what I do know is probably all I’ll ever know about it.

I do remember that in high school, we were just about to get out for summer, I fell asleep and had a dream where I saw like 4 bubbles floating against a midnight blue background. and I’m still convinced that it’s a memory. I’ve never actually told anyone about that. Maybe I should. It had me scared for like 2 seconds, before I realized I was in class. But….wow.

OK!! I’ve decided I’m going to look up herbs and religions. Just cuz.

Damn. I need Netflix. Dad will pay for it. and I’m sure it’s easy enough to sign up, but I dunno how and there’s all the credit card info and shit.  Oh my life is deathly booooring. You wouldn’t like it either.

I’m so damn social and talkative that I just need attention. and I’m not allowed to go out to make friends…..

Online is online and I can have friends on the net, but…no Apples to Apples, or going to movies or cooking dinner and having teensy food fights. I have movies I wanna see, but since Sam quit on me I can’t go.

Sam seemed to think we were in a “more then friends” relationship. He said he understood when I pointed it out, but did not change his actions.  I had no choice but to be quite harsh with him. He got upset and just quit. There are a lot of things I wish I could say, but he would have gotten very very upset with all I have to say. Plus I wish I could help him out with his health. but…he’d get so mad at me for even suggesting anything. I just don’t think we are compatible. Never did. So I’m back to being friendless. -heavy sigh- online friends are fabulous, but I can’t go to a movie with them.

🙂 When I saw my sisters for that week, Gail gave me some shoes and said she thought that might be my birthday present. I twisted my head and gasped before thinking(as usual), but still it was a bad reaction. Funny, but…bad. My birthday is in November. If my birthday was close, I would have shrugged it off and said ok. But it’s just not close. That’s all.

Anyway. I guess that’s it. Gail and Judy’s birthdays are in July, so I gotta start thinkin birthday cards. I make my own. I wonder if I should just make those friendship bracelets and sell them. Eh. Maybe. I dunno how to get onto etsy from my phone. I could set up a little table in the square but it’s in the 90’s.  I need something more then tv.

Bye, I guess.

P>S>You guys can tell me what you want me to talk about. Also, if you have info on Witches or herbs or religion, tell me. Or have some cool ideas for hobbies to try out. And I’ll be happy with some advise on Goal setting too. Like books or sites…


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