because I have a very large bruise running from my shoulder to elbow on the backside of my right arm–the result of 3 different attacks. 3 is unacceptable after 6 weeks of training. Mom was all for putting him down. He was a danger. If mom had agreed to keep him, she wouldn’t be my guardian for much longer. I’m just not one who can have a Jack Russell Terrier. -shrug- we found that out. I think the major problem was that on this vacation, we just were not making sure he got the correct amount of exercise.
I asked for them to contact me when he gets adopted, and he’s so freaking cute, none of us think it will take long. but he does need more training. That’s for sure. I’m sure the shelter will figure it all out. I was adamant that he gets a huuuge yard. But I mean, how can they assure me of that.
I miss his texture already. But ya know, I’ll get another dog who I love just as much. Who will not attack me and listen to commands. He/She will be a nice, safe and gentle dog. Maybe a service or therapy dog. Therapy dogs are taught to give affection. Service dogs are allowed in any building, and do what you say. Period.
Not everyone can have a Jack. And I’m just …one of those. I’ll fall in love with another dog.
That’s one crucial step that was taken today.
I’ve decided to make a dent in my autobiography. I know I didn’t tell you this before. Not much information is available to the public about TBI. No one cares, cause no one knows. There is information about abuse, but it’s only from certain sources. It’s not for the general public. And not for non drivers for sure. And I want to make victims of whatever trauma feel empowered, not helpless. So I want to spread awareness. I’m sick to death of there being no information on TBI ANYWHERE!!
I also want to come out of the shadows to my sisters. I’m not gay. I just hate my dad and want them all to know why. Because they for sure won’t listen. If I tell it in written words that no one can delete, then I know they will pay attention. And possibly never speak to me again.
I plan to be very very detailed in this book. I will be rubbing myself raw. So that anyone can shoot at me. Falling will happen, but also getting up.
A sister of MY sister’s best friend, told me how to start writing it all out. Start with the TBI. Something I’m super comfortable with. Share it and get some feedback and correct things. THEN when I can get with writing buddies and my mom, tell about the abuse. It’s hard to separate the two problems; they are just so intertwined. But this is what I gotta do.
Not willing to have my sisters never speak to me again. But publishing is far far FAR away. Maybe something will happen. First, I gotta write it all out.
Oh, I joined WritersCafe.com. Hopefully, there I can get some help in getting to tell MY story but still talk to my sisters.
A 3rd crucial step was made like the night before last. So it’s actually the first of the decisions. I have decided to quit my sleeping pill. It makes me SO ENORMOUSLY hungry the next day, and now I’m hungry at the right times. It’s probably a reason I’m so chubby. Not that I look bad, I just don’t like photos of myself. Mom even said today, that I look better. I’m not sure if that was about the weight or …giving up my dog…
The hunger was unbearable. so I’m quitting that pill. This means that I won’t go to sleep til 2am or so, but….I’m not hungry.
Nope. can’t quit the damn pill.
That’s another month. so i guess i’ll just keep eating myself to death …
Judy said this pill is for an antidepressant and drowsiness is just a great side effect for me. If I quit antidepressants cold turkey, I could go into withdrawal.
and now I have no pet. Vulcan was an asshole, Cashew got hit by a car, and had no choice but to give up my dog…..fabulous.
I’ll call the Dr. on Monday and see how I can get off this fucking bottomless pit thing.