Rape dream interpretation???

Hi. It’s 4am now. I just woke up. and I’m so confused.

Ok. A few weeks ago, or maybe a month, I had this dream. I was in a lecture hall saying I was raped I knew I wasn’t. The explanation, in the dream, was that I was late.

Then tonight, it continued. There were no students and no hall. I don’t know who I was explaining to. I was telling that it was a lie. didn’t apologize, but said i wanted to know the psychology behind rape. There were emotional responses. If I was telling no one, ….what???

In the first dream, I had given out a sheet of paper that was obviously my writing and the only number on it, was the number for my inhaler. (I don’t know the actual number), and I had given it as the number of someone else’s inhaler. Why? I have no fucking clue. What do inhalers have to do with this??

I know people have continuing dreams. So it’s not wierd. This has happened before. And I know that what was on my brain that night was clearly the psychology of rape.  I have no idea how the inhaler came into it though. But my question is, #1 why would I lie about rape?? That’s not something I would do. Perhaps, I wondered how things would go and I just played out a scene?? #2 Why did this continue after a few weeks or a month?? People with continuing dreams usually have them consecutively, don’t they? Now that I think of it, there were no dreams in between.  Maybe my brain had to just press pause until it could think of the rest?? and what about that paper with the numbers??? well, it was the inhaler, then just lines and scribbles to indicate that there were more numbers. in red ink. Why is it red ink? why does that stick out of this?? and why was I telling that it was a lie?? When I do carry off a lie(which is totally rare.), i do tell the truth about it later. but why would i tell that a rape was a lie??? That’s not me at all. I mean, I would never lie about rape in the first place. Why would I even think about it??

And In this dram, I woke myself up by talking about how the whole thing was a lie and I wanted to know why it’s ok in the mind of the person doing it. I’ve woken myself by talking before. Not…making sound, but…in the midst of talking I’ll wake with my hand to my face, thinking it’s a phone. But I wasn’t on the phone this time. I was just talking. If it’s not sound, then why do I wake?? and i don’t stop talking either. I mean, i bet it’s mumbles and moans, but when I fully form words, it’s actually the thing I’m saying in the dream. then I catch on and stop. Now, I don’t even recall what I was saying. I remember “the psychology of rape” was in it though. Also I’ve never dreamed about how a scene would play out, OR about something as important as rape. My dreams are usually just silly little things. They don’t mean anything. What is my brain telling me with dreaming about lying then explaining the lie about rape?? There’s rarely a time when my dream means something. and even then, it’s not something like rape. What is my brain telling me with this????

And the first thing I do is get on wordpress to type it out. hmmm….maybe I needed to see this whole thing written out to make sense of it. But there is no sense about it!! But yes, that does make sense. lol 🙂

Maybe I’m telling me to go into the study of rape psychology. Or it could be just a dream, like any other. But the thing is, I never dream of anything as significant as rape. EVER.  why now? what’s going on in there??? what are you telling me here?? I’ve never even dreamed about my dad. what are you saying, brain??!! tell me!!!! in some way that I can get. Don’t be all confusing. You’re a meanie. thbbbbt. I’m not talking to you. lol

make sense, damnit.

and you know I can’t go into psychology. The testing said so, sure. but…I can’t do school. You know that. Meanie butt. How dare you push my dreams….literally. And figuratively. thhbbt.

truth dream

It’s 6:17am and I just had a dream. I’m not sure what you would call it. It’s not a nightmare and not just a random dream. It’s a truth dream.

I know this girl, Molly, from high school-never knew her well or cared to. Now, I care to, but back then I didn’t. She was the only one I recognized.Back in school, it really got to me that she was so popular. Maybe that’s why she was there.

Anyway,damnit, now the memory is fading. There was a large class and the teacher stepped out for a second. I was in explosion mode. I couldn’t take anymore. I ended up screamig and pulling hair to get people to stop Of course, I was stared at in complete fear. Molly was in the desk behind me and made a note to show the teacher. I can’t remember what it said but it was colorful and had an arrow pointing to me. I came back to my senses as the teacher came back and the bell rang. Everyone stood up and glanced at me with fear and I instantly felt bad. I was bending over to get my things (there was a hot pink purse or something)and I could feel my face heating up. The teacher had asked me, Molly and two other girls to speak to her  We all came to her desk, me feeling just awful. I remember what I said. “It was like a balloon pop. It had to happen. I know some disiplinary action must be taken and I’m ready for your punishment.” I glanced at the three girls who were still full of fear.I woke up.

For some reason, Molly, the hot pink and the words “balloon pop” stick out the most. It’s a truth dream. I know that’s what happens but I’m never sorry because I’m in my aggressive mode then. I’m still in the high part of my anger. and when I calm down, I still don’t apologize bc ….it’s not my fault. It is, but I was pushed to my breaking point clearly. And that is what made it happen. There was too much air in the balloon and it popped. That’s all there is to it. It’s not the balloon’s fault that it popped. Why did an image of a light blue balloon conjure instead of another color?? What does light blue signify??

That’s what it’s like with Beth. Beth gets to me bc of her nasally voice and red hair and how she understands things. Well, everyone’s intelligence level gets to me really badly, but for some reason Beth is just….the top one. I think it could possibly be because she’s a spoiled brat and is around the age of 7 in her brain but is utterly convinced that she acts 24.

My sister once called me a spoiled brat and I didn’t like it. I told mom and her exact words were “I don’t raise spoiled brats.” that was the last word. EVER. I think she mostly gets to me because she doesn’t admit the truth. I can’t understand how people can just not admit things that just…are. 2+2 is 4. It just is. it’s the same with her hair. She’s convinced it’s brown, but it’s red. She won’t hear a word against it. Why does she get to me so?? Because I don’t understand her, maybe? Ok. I don’t understand. Why is that an issue? because I like to understand. it bothers me that I don’t. Anyway. Other then the truth, what does that dream mean? It means something, I know it does. Why do I allow the non-understanding of my dream to pass, but not the non-understanding of Beth and her ways? That does not make any sense. I like things to make sense, Beth just…doesn’t.

I do know that making people fear me like that is not good. Maybe the dream was a warning.I can’t keep my anger contained when it reaches that point. I think that’s part of the brain damage, but even so….it’s not allowed. Being brain damaged really isn’t an excuse. It seems like more of a crutch. But……..that’s how I am. This is what happens. And clearly, I can’t do anything about it. But saying that isn’t nice at all. It puts blame on you. But you are the one blowing the balloon here, not me. It’s still not nice to point fingers.

I gotta figure this out. and what the hell do the colors mean? and why was Molly there? and why in hellfire was i pulling hair??? That’s just odd. I’ve never pulled hair in my life. Why would I be doing that action??